Catalyst
by teal.owl
Summary: Post 11.08 – Something awful happens that brings Arizona and Callie together. Will it lead Arizona and Callie to get back together or cause them to be over for good? Story focuses on Callie and Arizona, but most of the other current characters will make appearances (Canon through 11.08; AU after).
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own the characters, etc. If Queen Shonda is terribly upset about my playing with them I'll gladly trade my student debt. Sound fair?

Minor Trigger Warning: This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If this will bother you this may not the be the best fic for you to read.

Chapter One

Callie turned off the tv and picked up her wine glass to have another large sip. She wasn't really watching it anyway, the noise just helped her to feel less alone, like there might be more than a sleeping toddler in the house to spend the evening with. She wasn't exactly lonely when Arizona first left the house. It felt different, in many ways freeing like she hoped. But she hadn't expected the loneliness. She felt unsure of herself at every move, as though her life didn't make sense all the time.

She and Arizona had each been able to some experience professional success over the past few months apart. Her research seemed promising and Arizona's fellowship seemed to be going well. Though, Callie was never really sure what was going on with Arizona. Their conversations were always brief and usually revolved around Sofia. Even when they pretended they were fine for just a minute or two Arizona tended to give Callie mixed signals. Sometimes she seemed as though she were a second a way from begging Callie to let her come home and others as though she was over the whole notion of Callie.

The loneliness and confusion had caused this to become a nightly ritual after tucking Sofia in – a large glass of wine and a tv program she didn't actually watch in an attempt to quiet her thoughts and doubts. She tried not to drink much when she had Sofia, which was nearly every night. But one, albeit quite large, glass of wine wouldn't hurt too much. It was likely not the healthiest – physically or emotionally – routine she could develop, but she figured in light of everything it was on the better side of the options.

Callie was contemplating how they had gotten to their current relative stalemate when there was a knock at the door. It was after 11 pm and Callie hadn't been expecting anyone. She immediately checked her phone and pager to make sure she hadn't missed anything. No messages on either device, Callie got up and placed her now empty wine glass in the sink before heading to the door.

Callie opened the door to find Arizona standing on her door step. This wasn't drunk, sad, and angry Arizona that had shown up at Callie's door a few times after their break up. Arizona was a mess. Her hair was matted, there was blood on her clothes and her face, her shirt was torn, bruises were beginning to appear on her left cheek and eye and there were tears running down her face.

"Arizona, what happened?" Callie exclaimed. She quickly opened the door wider, placing her arm around Arizona's shoulders and led her into the house.

"I...I was a-attacked."

Callie sat Arizona down on the couch and immediately went into triage-mode. The wound on Arizona's head was obviously still bleeding and would require stitches.

"What do you mean you were attacked?" Callie asked as she continued to assess Arizona's injuries. Her ribs seems to be bruised, not broken, but there could be internal bleeding, and the way that Arizona was holding her arm seemed to indicate her wrist was broken, but she was hesitant to let Callie near it.

"I was walking and…a-and h-he came out of nowhere."

"Arizona"

Arizona had yet to meet Callie's eyes since she opened the door.

"Arizona…hey Arizona, honey, look at me" Callie tried to say soothingly as she knelt next to Arizona.

Arizona slowly looked up at Callie and found sympathy in her eyes and tears welling up. Callie had never seen Arizona like this. She had been cleaned up before Callie saw her after the car and plane crash. Even if they weren't together Callie still cared for Arizona and it was heartbreaking to see her hurt.

"Why are you here, Arizona? Why didn't you go to the hospital?"

"I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go to the frat house" Arizona whimpered.

"But why here? It's late and you need a doctor." Callie gently questioned.

"I-I'm sorry. I won't wake Sofia. Oh god. Sofia. Please don't let her see me. Please, Callie. C-Could you stitch me up? Then I'll go. I know you don't have to do this, but please Callie?"

Callie couldn't help but think of the last time that Arizona plead with her about her medical care after the plane crash. It didn't go so well after that time either and they never recovered. Callie wanted to be able to give Arizona anything she wanted, especially medically. But there were too many injuries, too many possibilities for more severe damage. Especially that head wound that was still bleeding Arizona needed more attention than Callie could give with just a suture kit.

"I can't sweetie, I'm sorry. You have to go to the hospital. I can take you."

Arizona started crying all over again. "She can't see me like this, Callie please. Callie, Sofia can't see me."

"Okay. Okay. It is going to be okay, Arizona." Callie looked Arizona in the eyes as she assured her. "So I'm going to help you to the bathroom, but I don't want you to wash anything off, okay? Then, I'll go get Sofia and put her in the car. She should still be asleep. When I know she is asleep in her car seat I'll come get you and then we'll go, okay?"

"Pr-Promise she won't see me?"

Callie's eyes immediately hit the ground as her thoughts and memories overwhelmed her. Another promise. Another likely disappointment. So many things could go wrong. Sofia could wake at any point. She couldn't promise Arizona anything. Never again. But Arizona had to get to the hospital. Now. Who knows how long ago she was attacked? Did she even come straight here?

Callie settles on "It'll be okay, Arizona. Now, let's get you to the bathroom." Not a promise, at least.

Callie quickly gets Sofia settled in the car. Callie being paged in the middle of the night was not an infrequent occurrence. Sofia had been transferred to her car seat or another apartment while she slept ever since she was born. She didn't stir too much this time. Callie was infinitely grateful that one of the first board decisions was a 24 hour daycare at the hospital. The 24 hour day care made life much easier, especially for the night-time pages when she was pretty much operating as a single parent.

On her way back to the house to get Arizona, Callie saw Arizona's car. There was glass and blood all over the front seat. Callie couldn't hold back the bile that had been rising in her throat all night. She leaned over the grass and watched as her stomach contents were expelled and her utter repulsion at this whole situation was made obvious. Before she went back in she texted Jo to tell her to be waiting in the staff lot to take Sofia in to the daycare and April to set up a trauma room.

Entering the house again Callie quickly went to the bathroom to retrieve Arizona. Arizona seemed slightly more out of it when Callie reached her. Callie immediately cursed herself for not keeping a pen light in her doctor's bag for neuro checks. She couldn't tell if this was an indication of Arizona's head injury being more severe or a testament to the lack of sleep Arizona had been getting over the past few months. Luckily, Arizona had followed her instructions not to wash up or attempt any of her own doctoring. Callie had already thought through the need to report the attack to the police. She knew that would cause another disagreement and breakdown from Arizona. But it was necessary, and she was hoping who was ever in the pit that night would get to break that news to Arizona.


	2. Chapter 2

**Trigger Warning: This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If this will bother you, this may not the be the best fic for you to read. **

AN: I wanted to thank everyone who read, commented, followed, etc. for all of your support. I was really nervous to post the 1st chapter. I'm glad so many people seemed to enjoy it. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint. That being said I'm currently flying (writing) solo, so I would really appreciate a beta. If you are interested please message me and we can chat to see if we can work something out.

Chapter Two

Callie helped Arizona into a private trauma room in the pit. Luckily it was a slow night in the pit so having the private room wasn't a burden. Callie knew Arizona would want the privacy instead of allowing all of their colleagues to see her so beaten and broken. Callie settled Arizona onto the exam table and yelled out the door for April.

"Okay, Arizona, April is here to check you out. So, I'm going to go. You'll be okay." Callie calmly explained to Arizona. Callie wasn't sure how much longer she could see Arizona look like this. She was glad that April is Arizona's friend and knows her. Otherwise, this wouldn't look good – bringing her ex-wife in to the Emergency Room in the middle of the nigh obviously beaten. Not good at all.

"No. Stay. Please stay, Callie…please" Arizona begged and tried to grab Callie's arm.

Callie was shocked and wasn't sure Arizona really understood what she was asking. Or maybe she forgot they weren't together, maybe she has more brain damage than Callie originally thought. They have been separated for over 6 months and they'd both worked hard to give each other space and privacy. Staying could destroy the relative peace they had worked for. Callie no longer desired to throw Arizona out windows and Arizona has stopped yelling. They can't move backward, Callie couldn't handle going back. It had been so difficult. Before Callie can work out what to do and how to move forward April came into the room.

April was glad that Callie had warned her that she was bringing Arizona in and that Arizona wasn't in great condition. The warning helped April to maintain her composure. Arizona was not the patient in the worst condition April had that night, not by far, but working on friends was different.

"Hey Arizona, it is going to be okay." April greeted and immediately moved into doctor mode.

Arizona didn't even acknowledge April while she continued pleading with Callie. "Callie. Callie, please stay. Please stay."

"Hey, hey it is okay, Arizona. I'm right here. I'll stay with you. I'll take care of you. Okay?" Callie answered. She knew this could mean trouble, but she can't deny Arizona anything, not like this. Arizona nodded slightly and seemed to settle down a bit.

"So you were attacked?" April started her questions as she began her exam of Arizona.

"Y-yeah" Arizona answered obviously uncomfortable.

"Okay, so I've alerted the police so we can report the incident. None of your injuries look too bad, but we will need a CT and some x-rays. Let's set up an IV, get some pain meds in you and then we can take pictures for the police before we do the tests, okay?" April continued while she finished her quick exam of Arizona.

"No. No police. I'm not so bad, you said it yourself. I just want to go home. Callie can we go home, now?"

Callie immediately tensed. Deciding to start with the police issue first, Callie answered "No Arizona, we need to report this. You being beaten is not okay. This is not okay. You want to report this, right?"

Tears started to fill Callie's eyes as she thought of the different scenarios, what could have happened. Arizona nodded slightly, giving her consent to report the incident.

"Okay, so do we need examine anything else or do any other tests, Arizona?" April asked gently.

Arizona looked down and Callie immediately looked at April in bewilderment as she tried to understand what April was asking. Arizona had a head/face laceration. Why would that require more tests? It took just a moment for Callie to understand April's meaning. She looked again at Arizona; she had been trying to only look at Arizona's face since before Callie put her in the car. But Arizona's clothes were torn and bloody. More blood than just her head, probably.

"Oh, God." Callie choked out as she realized. Did April think Arizona was raped? Was she? Callie hadn't even considered that. She was so overwhelmed with Arizona's appearance at her door and getting her here, she hadn't even fully considered the possibilities. Callie was instantly glad that she previously emptied her stomach. As if tonight could get much worse.

Arizona held Callie's hand even tighter and quietly said "No. That's all."

"Okay, then, I'll go grab some scrubs for you Arizona so we can get you out of those clothes and bag them." April said hesitantly.

"I'll take care of her and start the pain meds, Kepner." Callie answers. It was as though, Arizona clinging to Callie flipped something for Callie. She gave in to her need to take care of Arizona, protect her as if that were possible.

Callie leaned down next to Arizona to bring their faces level, "Are you sure? Were you raped? You can tell me baby, I'll take care of you." Callie gulped, she knew she needed to know, needed to be sure, but she wasn't sure she wanted the answer.

"No. H-he didn't rape me, Callie. I think he wanted to, but I fought. I promise I fought him."

Callie breathed a sigh of relief as tears began to fall from her eyes again. "It's okay. I believe you. You're a fighter, you always have been, sweetie." Callie used her thumb to gently rub Arizona's cheek where it wasn't purple, as though to comfort her.

Just then a new intern walked in, "Kepner said I needed to start an IV."

Without hesitation Callie stood up gave the Torres glare and said "Get out!"

The intern looked confused, but left quickly not wanting to anger yet another attending. Arizona also looked to Callie in confusion.

"I've got you, honey. So let's get you some pain meds, huh?"

Callie quickly got the IV in and pain meds for Arizona.

"I haven't put an IV in myself in quite some time." Callie attempted to joke with Arizona, "But only the best for you."

Callie tried to offer Arizona a smile while she put the IV in and for the first time that night Arizona returned it. It wasn't one of her magic smiles, but it was a marked improvement. Callie grabbed the electronic chart and began to quickly order the tests Kepner had previously discussed and she added a few extras just to be sure. Callie was about to draw some blood, as a precaution she thought, when April reappeared with scrubs and a disposable camera. Callie quickly finished the blood draw while speaking quiet reassurances to Arizona the whole time.

"Okay, I can go for this part, but I won't leave, okay?" Callie was sure that even if Arizona wanted her there to comfort her she wouldn't want Callie there while she changed – their comfort didn't extend that far.

"Please stay, Callie. It's okay. Please stay." Arizona asked again.

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Please Callie."

"Okay. Let's do this"

Callie took the items from April and April quickly left the room closing the door behind her. Callie took photos of Arizona's injuries and helped her change into the scrubs without much trouble or too many more tears. Callie decided to use the full body x-ray on Arizona before she took her to CT. Callie stayed in the booth the whole time Arizona was in the machine, occasionally telling Arizona reassuring things through the intercom system. While the scan was still going, April stopped by to check on Arizona.

"April, I need a favor. Can you page Jackson in? I know he isn't on call tonight, but I don't want anyone else to touch her face. The wound is pretty nasty and I think we would all prefer for Arizona not to have a visible scar from tonight. I, mean, I want to fix her, fix this, but…" Callie rambled.

"He's the plastic surgeon. I get it." April said while she paged Jackson. "Do you think she'll be okay with him? I mean she was even hesitant around me."

"I'll stay with her. I'll do it if I need to. I just would prefer the plastic surgeon touch. God. I miss Mark. Sorry. I didn't mean that Jackson wasn't qualified."

"It's okay. Mark was family." April soothed. "Jackson is on his way. He'll meet you in an exam room when you're done here."

"Thanks, April. I appreciate it."

April was glad to help and that Arizona seemed to be able to depend on Callie tonight, but she wasn't so sure. She knew the hard work that it took to get Callie and Arizona to even such a fragile relationship. She wasn't sure that the two of them being so dependent on each other, even in this situation, was such a good idea. Arizona's tears after Callie said she was dead at the gala, when Callie wanted to be free, when Callie said any number of things to Arizona were all too fresh in April's mind for her to be on board with the idea of Callie and Arizona.

The scans revealed a mild concussion and a sprained wrist, nothing major; however Callie and April decide to keep Arizona at the hospital for the rest of the night for observation. Arizona seemed mostly okay while Jackson stitched up her head wound and a few other various gashes. Though Callie was constantly holding both her hands and whispering reassurances. As soon as she was all stitched up, Callie helped settle Arizona into her room, holding her hand until she fell asleep.

When Arizona fell asleep Callie quietly slipped out of the room to make the call she'd been dreading all night. She knew she had to call the Robbins to tell them, but didn't want to do it in front of Arizona. She hadn't spoken to Barb or the Colonel since before she and Arizona split up. She didn't even know if they knew that they weren't together. Heck, Mrs. O'Malley was making baby clothes for her when she and George had been broken up for nearly a year. Callie checked her watch. It was 4 am. 8 on the East Coast, a perfectly reasonable time to call and she dialed the Robbins home number. Barb answered on the second ring.

"Hello?"

"Hi…Mrs. Robbins?" Callie wasn't sure what she should call Arizona's mom anymore. Initially it had been Barb, then she was insistent on mom after the wedding. But Callie was no longer married to her daughter.

"Oh. Callie. Hello" Mrs. Robbins seemed distant and cold. This had never been the case anytime Callie had spoken with Barb. She was always so warm and friendly. Callie often felt closer with her than her own parents.

"You know Callie, we haven't heard from you in months. I know things aren't good between you and Arizona right now, but I expected more from you. I haven't seen new pictures of Sofia in almost 9 months."

Had it really been that long Callie wondered? She had stopped sending them before she and Arizona officially split up. When they were on a break and not talking Callie had let her relationship with the Robbins slip. She assumed that Arizona was talking to them, sending pictures, all the things they both usually did.

"I know you're busy but it doesn't take very long to send pictures, Callie. And it isn't like Arizona can send pictures of the daughter she never sees. I know it may not be my place, and you may have given birth to Sofia, but she is also Arizona's daughter. You agreed to that. Separating them now isn't okay, Callie, no matter what your relationship with Arizona looks like you need to be fair. Arizona only seeing Sofia once a week and rarely having her overnight is not good for any of you." Once Mrs. Robbins started going it didn't seem to stop.

"Whoa. Mrs. Robbins, I'm sorry you haven't been getting pictures. I thought Arizona" Callie tried to interject. This is not how she wanted this conversation to go. It was supposed to be quick. Explain what happened to Arizona and get off the phone. Instead she was in this muddled mess she didn't even know what to do with. She wanted to fight the accusations. Explain the truth behind the circumstances. But she knew it was much more important to tell them about Arizona and deal with the rest later, with Arizona, not her parents.

"Arizona hardly sees Sofia, Callie. How could she be sending me pictures?" Barb accused. Callie heard the Colonel in the background telling his wife to "Leave the girl alone."

"I'll send pictures this week. But that's not why I'm calling. Something happened." Callie quickly interjected.

"Oh, dear. Is everyone alright?"

"Umm. Actually, no. Arizona was attacked last night. Her injuries aren't severe, a few lacerations, sprained wrist, mild concussion. She should be okay, but we kept her overnight for observation." Callie explained glad she could focus on the medicine.

"Arizona's hurt?" Barb asked in shock. "Will she be okay? Are you with her? Can I talk to her? We were planning to come out in a few months we could come now."

"Mrs. Robbins, slow down. Arizona will be okay. I've been with her all night. She just fell asleep. I will have her call you when she wakes up and is feeling a bit better and you two can discuss all of this."

Callie looked in the window of Arizona's room and noticed her stirring.

"I'm glad you could be with her Callie." There was gratitude in Barb's voice, but also hesitation.

"Sure. Um. I should go. I'll have Arizona call you Mrs. Robbins."

"Thank you Callie." This time it wasn't gratitude, it was distant, the polite answer you give to a stranger.

After Callie hung up the phone she couldn't help but stare at it. She wanted to scream, cry, throw her phone and yell at Arizona all at the same time. The whole conversation was perplexing. She wasn't keeping Sofia from Arizona, she practically begged Arizona to spend more time with Sofia. Arizona had her fellowship, which kept her busy, and she lived in that damn frat house, which is no place to raise a child or even have one overnight. She knew she should have been in better contact with the Robbins, but she really thought Arizona was, and she couldn't bring herself to call yet another ex-mother-in-law. The distance in Barb's voice really hurt. Barb had in many ways taken the place of her own mother, and even her father at times. She seemed to be burning through parental figures these days. Callie's mind was spinning.

Arizona stirred again and softly moaned in pain. Even from the doorway Callie instantly recognized the look of pain on Arizona's face. She saw that look too often after the plane crash. Callie called for a nurse to bring some pain meds and went to sit by Arizona.

"Callie. Don't leave Callie. Please Callie" Arizona mumbled in her sleep.

Callie took Arizona's hand in hers.

"It's okay Arizona. I'm here, honey"

Instantly Callie bit her tongue. _Honey. _She called Arizona _honey_. Arizona hadn't been hers for months. Even before that their relationship was stressed and strained and terms of endearment had become few and far between with them. Callie realized she had been doing it all night, comforting Arizona with pet names. _Honey_. _Sweetie_. _Baby_. God, so much for distance.

Comfort. That is all it was Callie told herself. The endearments were just comfort for Arizona, a way to make her more comfortable and help her to feel safe after something so traumatic. It didn't mean anything, other than it was a night made of nightmares. This didn't have any bearing on their current status…or feelings. Callie tried to convince herself. She could extricate herself from Arizona. These weren't steps back. She was helping a friend. Right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Trigger Warning: This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If this will bother you, this may not the be the best fic for you to read. Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind to yourself.**

**AN: **Thank you all for reading and continuing to read, follow, comment and be general awesome people. Tons of thanks and undying appreciation for my beta INeedYourGrace. She is smart, kind, important and lovely. It's been fabulous to work with her. If there are any errors, it is totally my mistake. I probably missed fixing it, because seriously INeedYourGrace has eagle eyes for grammar.  
>Anyway, Enjoy!<p>

**Chapter Three**

"Good Morning A-" Amelia announced as she entered Arizona's room later that morning not so quietly.

Amelia was greeted with a sight that she definitely had not expected. Callie had pulled a chair over Arizona's bed and had fallen asleep with her head near Arizona while holding her hand – similar to the position that Arizona spent countless nights in after the car crash. Arizona and Callie both appeared to be sleeping and comfortable with their closeness. This was definitely not expected as their frequent blow outs a few months ago and their now often quiet distance was hospital legend.

Callie stirred at Amelia's greeting "Oh. Hello Dr. Shepherd." Callie tried to move away from Arizona's bed, but Arizona quickly held onto Callie's hand even tighter.

"I'm here to check Arizona's neuro status," Amelia answered as Arizona opened her eye. "How are you feeling this morning, Arizona?"

The left side of Arizona's face was deeply bruised and that eye was swollen shut.

"Better. Definitely better." Arizona sounded groggy and Callie couldn't entirely tell if Arizona was telling the truth or lying to placate Amelia. In either case, Callie was sure the morphine drip was a large contributor. Amelia quickly completed her neuro check.

"That's good. You had me worried." Amelia sympathetically rubbed Arizona's shoulder before returning to doctor mode. "Neuro-wise you are fine. I think we can discharge you this afternoon. April mentioned wanting to check you over before you are discharged, though. She should be in soon and then you can be on your way home. Just be sure to let me know if you experience any dizziness, vomiting, etc."

As Amelia was leaving April walked in trailed by Wilson. April greeted Arizona, surprised that Callie was still there and completed her perfunctory exam of Arizona's injuries.

"Okay Arizona, you look good. I'm leaving you scripts for pain medication, antibiotics and an anti-inflammatory - taking them regularly is important. We are discharging you today, but with your wrist I'd say no surgeries for at least a week." April looked to Callie for confirmation before she continued and Callie nodded before Arizona had a chance to protest. "I've talked to Karev and he can cover peds for the next few days and Herman said she would give you three days off if you kept up on the reading." April sounded annoyed at Herman's _generous_ three day break. "And the police are waiting outside to ask you a few questions to finish their report, okay?" April said gently as though she were trying to convince a small child to do something. Although, given Arizona's reaction to the mention of police last night the tone seemed appropriate.

"Wait, Wilson are you working all day?" Arizona asked. Even though they had been essentially living together the past few months and both had seen more than they cared to of the other, they still were not on a first name basis.

"Um. Yeah. I'm in the middle of a 48-hour shift," Jo answered confused why this was the path of questioning that Arizona chose after receiving all of the previous information.

Callie and April also looked at Arizona in confusion both internally debating whether they should ask Amelia to re-evaluate that neuro check she just gave Arizona. Arizona, however, grabbed for Callie's hand again, having lost contact while she was being check out, and looked down as though she were trying to figure something out.

"I can't go there alone. I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me," Arizona softly pleaded almost to herself, but Callie caught onto her concern.

"Hey, hey Arizona, sweetie" Callie bit her tongue, she could not keep doing that, "you can come home with Sofia and me. We'll take care of you. It is going to be okay," Callie soothed trying to avoid another panic attack for Arizona and put the focus on Sofia instead of herself. She needed any attempt at distance if this was going to be okay. Arizona slowly nodded. She seemed exhausted at this averted crisis and she didn't even try to fight the police questioning she would have to go through soon.

"Wilson, can you cover my pages today? I don't have any surgeries, but you can page if something complicated comes in, okay? Don't be afraid to ask for help." Callie asked. She needed to go with Arizona if this was going to work.

"Yes, of course," Jo answered looking like she had won the lottery. Callie quickly glanced to April who nodded that she would keep an eye on the resident.

"Okay, so I'm going to go get Sofia while you talk with the police and then we can go, sound good?" Callie asked. Arizona again nodded, but gripped Callie's hand tighter. Callie guessed that Arizona really wanted her to stay, but Callie didn't know if she could handle any more details of the previous evening. She wanted to be there for Arizona, but her own emotional stamina had limits, too.

* * *

><p>On her way to the daycare Callie was trying to plan out what she was going to say to Sofia to make any of this make sense to her. She had been pretty deliberate over the past few months trying to explain to Sofia that Arizona didn't live with them at the house anymore. Arizona was also obviously hurt and Sofia saw Arizona infrequently enough that she often tried to climb all over Arizona on sight, which couldn't happen today. Callie wasn't sure how this was going to work when she ran into Karev.<p>

"Hey Karev! Did you take care of the car this morning?" Callie called out to Alex. She had texted him last night to ask him to take Arizona's car to the shop to be fixed and clean. Callie didn't know if she could stomach driving a car with Arizona's blood on the seats and she didn't want Sofia to see it when they got home.

"Yeah. I took it to the place you asked me to. They said it would be a couple of days. Got a couple of stares for my trouble, people assuming I'm the one that caused the bleeding."

Callie snorted "Yeah. I know that feeling. I'm pretty sure had I taken her to any other ER the process would have been much longer – bringing in your beaten ex-wife…" Callie trailed off.

"Will she be okay?" Karev asked.

"Yeah, physically she should be fine within a week or two," Callie answered. "Don't mess up her peds floor or whatever she would tell you," Callie said as she walked away.

* * *

><p>Arizona spent the day on Callie's couch, their former couch, while Sofia tried to show her all of her toys one by one, even the ones that Arizona had bought for Sofia. Arizona loved the time and attention from Sofia, but it left her feeling guilty. Sofia was so excited to have Arizona around and paying attention to her. Arizona began to realize how much Sofia missed her and needed her to be in Sofia's life regularly, not a special occurrence. Sofia was so excited that Arizona had come to visit that Callie couldn't get Sofia to focus on anything else or any semblance of her normal routine, because Arizona's presence had become so not normal.<p>

When Sofia finally went down for her nap Arizona commented on Sofia's excitement to Callie.

"I really should see her more. She is so excited."

"I've been telling you that, Arizona. Speaking of you and Sofia, you need to call your parents. I called them last night… er this morning to let them know what happened, but they are under the impression I am not allowing you to see Sofia and want to come out here to see you." Callie no longer sounded comforting and gentle with Arizona. She was frustrated, again, at the accusations she had received from Mrs. Robbins and Arizona's lack of parenting.

"Callie. Can we not? Not right now. I can't argue about Sofia with you now. I'm sorry about my parents. I know you aren't stealing Sofia or whatever it is they said. I'll call them now. Do you think they should come out now?"

"Sure, Arizona," Callie answered half placating and half annoyed. It was always 'can we talk about Sofia later?' Pretty soon, their little girl would grow up and there wouldn't be a later. "And I'm not getting involved with you and your parents, not after the riot act I got this morning."

"I'm sorry Callie. I haven't said bad things about you to them, really." Arizona pleaded, though the key part of that sentence was _to them_. Arizona had sure bitched about Callie to other people.

"Okay, Arizona. Did anything get stolen? Credit cards or anything? I can make some calls for you, if you'd like." Callie just wanted to change the subject at this point. She and Arizona needed to have a conversation but it couldn't be now, with Arizona like this.

"A few credit cards, about $60 in cash, but I still have my license."

"Okay. I don't know if they will talk to me, but I could get all the phone numbers for you to cancel them."

"Actually, you could just call and cancel them. You're still on my accounts."

Callie was taken aback by this. They had been separated for over 6 months; they had divided their finances pretty early on. Arizona had never taken her off her credit cards. Arizona still trusted her, at least with her finances. Or maybe she was just too busy to get around to it.

"Um yeah sure. Was it all of them?" Callie tried to sound calm, normal at this realization, not sure what it actually meant.

"Yeah except for the debit card."

Callie proceeded to make calls to cancel cards in the other room while Arizona called her parents.

* * *

><p>Callie woke up in the middle of the night realizing she was spooning Arizona in what used to be their spare bedroom. Callie had never moved out of it after Arizona moved out. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in <em>their <em>bedroom alone. It never felt right. Callie then realized what had woken her. Arizona was having a nightmare. Over the years, Callie had gotten to the point where she would wake up when Arizona's nightmares started to get bad. She could usually tell which one it was – tiny coffins, the plane crash, an IED explosion in Iraq killing Timothy, the car crash, and now she guessed the assault would be added to that list – but she wasn't sure tonight. Callie drew Arizona to herself and started to murmur comforts in her ear. Callie had learned that soothing Arizona out of them without waking her often kept them from coming back in the same night and that was always what she tried first. Soon Arizona was able to settle back to restful, peaceful sleep, while Callie was left with questions as to what they were doing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Trigger Warning: This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If this will bother you, this may not the be the best fic for you to read. Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind to yourself.**

**AN: **A big thank you to all of you who have been reading, following, and commenting. I love hearing your thoughts and they motivate me to continue the story. It means so much to me that so many people seem interested in the story. Many thanks to INeedYourGrace for the beta help – she is wonderful.  
>I don't mean to pull a Shonda on this chapter (and the next few), but there is plan. Trust the journey.<br>Anyway, Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Chapter Four<p>

"Callie," Arizona said before kissing Callie's forehead. "I just finished showering and started the coffee, so you should get up if you want to shower before Sofia gets up." Arizona gently tried to wake Callie before she walked out of Callie's bedroom to start breakfast.

"Mmrghr." Callie answered as she started to wake up.

After Callie had showered she walked into the kitchen in her robe to find Arizona and Sofia eating breakfast together, with an extra place set for her. Callie poured a cup of coffee and joined them in the breakfast nook. The three of them ate breakfast together that morning as they had for the past two weeks. Sofia no longer seemed surprised to have Arizona there. For the first week Sofia had asked every night if Arizona would be there when she woke up and every morning if Arizona would be there that evening. Soon Arizona and Sofia had finished their breakfast and left the table to get Sofia ready for daycare. After Callie finished her cereal she moved into the kitchen to pack lunches for all three of them. She could hear the giggles from both of her girls in Sofia's room. Her girls. Except Arizona wasn't hers. They weren't together, were they?

After the attack Arizona had been staying with them. At first there was a degree of medical necessity, even though she could have stayed with any of their other doctor friends. Beyond the questionable medical necessity was the psychological. Arizona felt comfortable in the house with Callie and Sofia. This comfort was important to help Arizona heal both physically and mentally. But it had been two weeks, physically Arizona bore few reminders of the night – her stitches had long come out, though some of the wounds were still healing, she had been operating for a few days now, and the bruises were largely faded and barely noticeable. Callie wasn't naïve. She knew that night would haunt Arizona and her for the rest of their lives.

But somehow in the past two weeks they had lost the distance and politeness they had grown accustomed to over the past 6 months. Instead, they were living in the same house, and sharing a bed. Almost as though they hadn't broken up, they slipped back into their former life without either of them realizing it. They hadn't shared any intimacy – physically or emotionally – beyond a kiss on the cheek. Not even their conversations seemed to hold any real depth, though none of this was dissimilar to the final few months of their relationship, not including the therapy sessions.

"Honey, could you make sure Sofia's favorite sippy cup is in her bag for daycare?"

Callie froze at Arizona's question. _Honey_. It was too familiar. This was too easy. She didn't know how they had gotten to where they were, but she knew she couldn't do it. Not anymore. Not again. Callie knew something had to change, now. But she needed to think about what it was she needed and this was not a conversation that Sofia should hear.

* * *

><p>"Hey Callie, I know we were going to make lasagna for dinner tonight, but how do you feel about ordering pizza? It will take less time and then I can stay a bit later to catch on my fellowship and you can have a few extra hours in the lab." Arizona barely looked up from her chart when she saw Callie come up to the same nurses station.<p>

"Actually, Arizona we need to talk."

"Okay, so tonight after pizza."

"No. Now. Please?"

Arizona followed Callie into the nearby on-call room, though Arizona was growing leery of on-call room conversations, having been yelled at in far too many of them recently. She couldn't help but think of her earlier fetal surgery failures and Herman's less than pleasant conversation with her in this exact room.

"Arizona, I know that I never actually kicked you out and that I even told you that you didn't have leave when we separated months ago. I know I offered for you to stay. But we can't keep doing this, Arizona. You need to go. We aren't together. I can't do this anymore."

"Wha—Callie"

Arizona never saw this coming. She thought they were doing so well. She loved staying with Callie, seeing Sofia every day. She knew their circumstances weren't perfect, but at the end of the day she got to hold Callie, be held by Callie. Even if they started at opposite sides of the bed, in sleep they wrapped themselves around each other like they'd never been a part. They had both made so many mistakes, but this seemed easy, familiar, like where they were supposed to be.

"I'm sorry Arizona. I know you were hurt and I wanted to help. But we are not together. We cannot get back together. Not like this. Not because of another tragedy. It is always tragedies, Arizona. The shooting. Africa. My pregnancy. The car crash. The plane crash. The trial. I feel we make decisions based on traumatic circumstances – they are band aids. I'm done with band aids in relationships, and ticking time bombs. I'm too old for games and this merry-go-round we are on of breaking up, destroying each other, and getting back together because something bad happens. I'm done. We're done. No more. Tragedies can't be the catalyst for our relationship anymore. I don't want to be constantly waiting for a gunman, or crash, or attack, or whatever to bring you back to me. I want to be enough for someone without any outside trauma. I get that you were hurt and traumatized. I was too. Arizona, I know it isn't my story, my attack, but seeing you like that was awful for me. We both gained a few more PTSD triggers that night. But we cannot let that control our relationship. We are not together."

Arizona hadn't meant for them to end up where they were either. She honestly had thought that staying at Callie's house would be a one night thing. But with each passing day that she stayed and grew closer with both of her girls she allowed herself to hope that Callie did miss her and want her back – that maybe all those months ago Callie had missed her enough. It had taken a night a night of hell for Arizona, but maybe they could find their way back.

"Callie, I thought maybe we could…"

"No Arizona. We aren't doing this again. This time isn't any different. I'm still me and you are still you. You can't stay at the house anymore it is confusing for Sofia. She has already been through so much this year." Callie started in again.

"Callie this isn't about Sofia. This is about us. I've missed you. I love you. I want us to work. Please, Callie."

"Arizona" Callie pleaded with just that one word, she pleaded to be understood, pleaded for Arizona to back off so she wouldn't have to lay the last few of her cards on the table. It was much easier when it was Sofia she was protecting, not her own heart. "I. can. not. do. this. We can't sleep in the same bed, it is too confusing. This whole thing is confusing to me too. I don't want to take the chance that we will wake up in year and realize it was all one big mistake. I don't want to have to wonder if we would be together if you hadn't been attacked. It needs to be tonight, please Arizona."

This was a change. Arizona couldn't remember a time when Callie had begged and pleaded with Arizona to leave her. Callie had begged for them to stay together, for Arizona to come back, for Arizona to communicate, for Arizona to get over the leg. Callie had always saved the begging and the pleading to make them work, to make Arizona happy.

"Fine Callie." Arizona walked out of the on-call room trying, but not succeeding to not slam the door. She couldn't break down in front of Callie again. Callie was begging to be absolved of her sins, their sins, their huge mess of a marriage. Arizona couldn't give Callie anything anymore, nothing Arizona wanted too anyway. But walking away she could do. Arizona was destroyed anyway, the pieces had only slowly started to come back together living with Sofia and Callie.

They were done.

Again. Officially. Finally. Completely.

* * *

><p>Arizona stayed at work late allowing the painful words to swirl in her head until all she wanted to do was forget. She'd even received moderately kind words from Herman today. Well, at least they weren't overtly mean. But even that couldn't drown out Callie's voice in her head.<p>

"_We're done." _

Arizona considered going to Joe's but she wanted forget everything without having to worry about driving. She went to the frat house knowing there would be copious alcohol. She didn't need to go back to the house, Callie's house, as she had never moved her things from Alex's. Maybe on some level she knew playing house with Callie wouldn't last. She didn't even care what she drank she just didn't want today to be today anymore.

Meredith, Amelia, Maggie, Alex, and Jo were drinking beer in the living room when Arizona got to the house. Arizona had no idea how that group of people ended up here tonight, or if they were all even friends; though she supposed that Meredith, Amelia, and Maggie were all some sort of dysfunctional sisters. Arizona was just glad Callie wasn't there. She wasn't sure she could handle seeing Callie again. The night Arizona moved in to the frat house when Callie was there had been awkward and Arizona had no intention of repeating that scenario.

Arizona went straight for the cupboard in the kitchen with the good stuff. She found a mostly full decent bottle of Tequila near the back. It must have been Cristina's. Arizona quickly downed two shots before returning to living room filled glass in one hand and bottle in the other.

"_We are not together."_

Arizona would much prefer to drink alone tonight. She didn't need the questions or the stares, but she also didn't think she could get away with sleeping somewhere else for two weeks, coming back, taking nearly full bottle of Tequila and hiding in her room.

Arizona politely sat through the gossip trying to deflect attention from herself while taking not so small sips from her glass. Refills were often. Soon Arizona decided if she was giving into one of her vices she might as well dust off another. Arizona went outside and lit up. Shortly after Sofia was born Arizona knew she had to give up this vice for good. Sofia's lungs were fragile and Callie's anger and revulsion often was not worth the relief she received from a cigarette or two. When she was with Leah she didn't have Callie to worry about though and she often needed a few cigarettes after sleeping with Leah. Leah wasn't bad. She just wasn't Callie.

"_No more."_

Arizona had just taken the first drag off her second cigarette when Amelia walked out the front door.

"Are you leaving?" Arizona asked.

"No I thought I would come out here and watch your sorry ass kill yourself. At least it is more entertaining than the gossip and Derek discussion inside."

Arizona held out the box to offer a cigarette to Amelia.

"No, thanks. I said I wanted to watch you kill yourself, not participate. Besides I can't. Little things quickly lead to bigger things."

"So you've gone straight edge on me Shepherd?"

"Ha. I wouldn't say _straight_." Amelia retorted with a smirk "But I try to stay away from anything of that variety."

It was at this point that Arizona realized that Amelia was drinking a Coke, not a beer like the others. Or at least she assumed that everyone else had a beer. She hadn't paid that much attention. She didn't care.

"I haven't seen you drink like this since I've been in Seattle, Arizona. Actually, I don't think I've seen you go this hard on the Tequila since your early residency years. And cigarettes. I'd thought you quit. Are you okay?" Amelia chanced asking Arizona a personal question knowing that in this mood Arizona was likely to shut down or tell her to fuck off or blow smoke in her face. It wouldn't be the first time for any of those options. But something seemed off and at one time they had been able to talk. Maybe Arizona needed someone who can't see Callie's side, because she doesn't know Callie. Not really, at least.

"I don't know. No. Not tonight Amelia," Arizona started to slur.

"So you and Callie..."

"Done apparently."

Arizona finished her cigarette and knocked back another shot. Amelia touched Arizona's hand to comfort her, she thought.

"So you and … James, was it?" Arizona asked as they quickly slip back into their old shorthand.

"Done. And it has been quite some time for me."

Arizona and Amelia both looked each other in the eye as if trying to see if the other each held the same meaning as these words had meant all those years ago. Arizona had another shot. The conversation with Amelia swirled with memories of their past and the words Callie had hurled that afternoon.

"_I'm done."_

Arizona slammed Amelia into front door kissing her roughly. Amelia's hands reached for Arizona's hips pulling her in closer. This had been their relationship for much of their residency at Hopkins. They had never been serious, but if they were both unattached and stressed they seemed to end up in bed together. Their friendship beyond their hook-ups was always something of a question. But they fulfilled a need for each other. Amelia wasn't Callie. But this wasn't about love, or really even lust. This was about forgetting the present and remembering who she used to be – the girl who drank away her problems, used women to forget, and still woke up at dawn to get the best surgery.

"_We cannot get back together."_


	5. Chapter 5

**Trigger Warning: **This chapter discusses a panic attack, there are some details. This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If these things will bother you, this may not be the best fic, or chapter, for you to read. Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind to yourself.**

**AN: **Thank you to everyone who is sticking with this story. I love seeing the comments, follows, favorites, reads, etc. Significant gratitude to INeedYourGrace for her marvelous help figuring out the semantics of parts of this chapter – she is seriously great.

This chapter could be a bit rough, but sometimes these things are necessary. Break ups are messy, we say and do things we don't mean, or at the wrong time, etc. I by no means intend to make either Callie or Arizona the bad guy.

Anyway, Enjoy!

* * *

><p>Chapter Five<p>

Sofia was dressed in her favorite princess dress hosting a tea party with her stuffed animals and her Mom. Callie had been trying to be very intentional with spending extra time to play whatever game Sofia wanted since Arizona had moved out not quite a week before. Sofia hadn't made too many comments about Arizona since she had left. However, Callie wasn't sure whether she was grateful for the lack of tantrums and questions, or heartbroken that, in some ways, it seemed as though Sofia was used to her parents appearing and disappearing for long periods of time without obvious reason.

Callie wasn't even sure if Sofia had seen Arizona since she had been dropped off in daycare six days ago. Callie knew that Arizona sometimes had lunch with Sofia. She also knew that she could check Sofia's log at the daycare to know if Arizona had visited or taken her for lunches. But Callie didn't want to check the book. She would much rather live in the possibility that Arizona was seeing Sofia, rather than the high probability of the opposite. Callie didn't want to face the reality that Arizona didn't mean all those things she said while lying on the couch drugged up – how she wanted to be involved with Sofia, how great Sofia is, how much she missed Sofia. Callie didn't want to admit to herself that she was right, that without Callie to tie her to Sofia, Arizona wasn't tied down at all. Callie knew Arizona loved Sofia. Love was never the question. But commitment, responsibility, and priority were all questions for Callie. Arizona wasn't a bad person, but these weren't _her dreams_. Callie wouldn't hold it against Arizona if she walked away – kids were a big commitment. But Callie will not let Arizona become undependable for Sofia. Callie's own heart has been crushed far too many times by people, who she thought she could count on, walking away.

"Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom." Sofia's insistence pulls Callie out of her thoughts. "Will Mama come play today?"

"No Sofia, not today."

"Why not? When will Mama be home?"

"Mama doesn't live here with us anymore, Sof."

"But she was here a few days ago."

It is at this point that Callie realizes that Sofia still thinks Arizona is still living with them. Sofia probably just thought that Arizona was working nights and thus didn't see them. It had happened occasionally that one of their schedules would get messed up or crazy and they wouldn't see much of each other. Callie tried to figure out how she wanted to have this conversation with Sofia, again. This was a conversation she never imagined herself having to have, but now she's done it countless times.

"Yes, Mama was here a few days ago, but she was hurt. She was here to see you and have you help her feel better with your special powers. Remember before when Mama was living with Uncle Alex, not with us?"

Sofia nodded.

"It is like that again. Mama loves you very much, but she doesn't live here. It is just us. And I love you very much kiddo." Callie struggled to explain. She wished Arizona was around to tell Sofia she loved her. It shouldn't be Callie assuring Sofia that both her moms loved her, especially when Callie was questioning Arizona's commitment.

"Okay. You and Mama love me," Sofia looked like she was thinking trying to figure something out.

"Yes baby."

"Do you love Mama?"

Callie was taken aback. This was a new question for Sofia. They'd had this talk before and she had asked many questions, but this was not one Callie was prepared for.

"Um. Yes. I care about your Mama. I want her to be happy. I love her, because she loves you. Okay, Sof?"

Sofia nodded and crawled into Callie's arms for hug. Callie wasn't sure which of them needed the hug more at that moment, but she held Sofia tight. Too soon Sofia let go, picked up most of her toys and walked into her room.

Tears started running down Callie's cheeks as soon as she was sure Sofia was in her room and out of sight. Did she love Arizona? That was the question wasn't it? Of course, she loved Arizona. A part of her would always love Arizona. Arizona had thought that she didn't love, or miss, her enough. But love wasn't the question and neither was quantity. She wasn't sure if either of those would ever be the real question for them. But _the rest_ was complicated. And the rest might not matter in the heat of the moment when they were consumed by love, but when too many things added up the complicated rest could overcome them. Callie and Arizona needed to be happy and healthy and that just didn't seem like an option if they were together. Callie couldn't handle it if in ten years Arizona realized she couldn't handle all that she had given up for Callie's dreams. As much as it hurt the break was easier now.

But Callie couldn't explain any of that to a four year old. Hell, she could hardly explain it to herself.

* * *

><p>Arizona walked into her room in Alex's house and took off her shoes neatly placing them under the end of the bed. She always kept the room pristine, partially because she had grown up with the Colonel and military precision was expected, but also because this arrangement was never meant to be permanent. She told herself that the first night she stayed when Callie had been drinking with the group in living room, and she had been telling herself that it was temporary for every night she had stayed here for the past almost 7 months. She knew she couldn't keep living like this. In the meantime, she would keep the room neat with minimal stuff –almost as though she wasn't actually living there. Most of her things were still in the closet in the master bedroom of her...Callie's house, untouched.<p>

Arizona was exhausted she had been on her foot for the past 36 hours at the hospital. She started preparing for bed when she heard rustling from the bushes beneath her window. She froze. That awful night went through her mind. She wasn't safe. Her breathing became quick and shallow and she couldn't think. Arizona slowly sat down on the floor as though she didn't have any other option. She had learned to quiet the waves, but this wasn't pain. This was panic. On some level Arizona knew that her second floor bedroom offered safety to someone prowling in the bushes, but logic and panic didn't speak to each other.

Suddenly the phone was next to her ear and it was ringing.

"Arizona?" Callie asked confused why Arizona was calling her. They hadn't spoken in a week, since Callie had kicked Arizona out.

"C-Cal… I… What if he's here? I'm not safe. I can't stay here. Callie" Arizona struggled to explain.

The quick breaths. The fear in her voice. The hesitation. The struggle. Callie realized Arizona was having a panic attack. This wasn't the first call she'd gotten from Arizona like this. The first one was a few weeks after they'd decided they were girlfriends. The stress of the merger had caught up to Arizona and she called Callie. Arizona didn't have panic attacks often, but they were nearly always stress induced. They were unpredictable and scary. Callie immediately grabbed her keys prepared to run to Arizona. Then she remembered Sofia asleep in her room, and her own need for distance. Arizona wasn't hers. Callie knew she needed to try to help Arizona over the phone, without any real contact.

"Where are you Arizona? Where are you right now?" Callie asked softly knowing she needed to soothe Arizona.

"I'm at Alex's. In my room. On the floor. Callie, I heard something. What if it isn't safe?"

"Is Alex there?" Callie knew that sometimes if she could give Arizona a small temporary solution to the problem creating the panic she could help pull Arizona out of the attack. The stress and issues surrounding the attacks weren't always so logical and those often meant just sitting with Arizona until they passed. It always made Callie feel so helpless to watch Arizona practically drowning beside her without anything Callie could do to make it better.

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

Callie put Arizona on speaker and quickly texted both Alex and Jo to ask them to check on Arizona for her. She thought if there was someone Arizona trusted in the house she might be able to calm down a bit.

"It will be okay, Arizona. I'm here."

Alex knocked on the door to Arizona's room calling "Robbins, you okay in there? We've got some beer downstairs, want to join?"

"Alex is here," Arizona told Callie.

Callie waited on the phone while she heard Alex show Arizona the locks on the window were secure. He promised her he would double check the house tonight and be sure everything was secure. He encouraged Arizona to join him and Jo downstairs for a beer, but she declined. Callie knew she would. After a panic attack Arizona didn't like to be in the company of others.

"Callie, are you still there?" Arizona asked into the phone.

"Yeah, of course. Feeling better, Arizona?"

"Yes. Thank you." Arizona sounded more in control, but also distant like she wasn't sure how she had gotten here.

"Arizona, can we talk a minute?

"Um. Sure, Callie. What do you need?"

"I care about you Arizona. I'm okay with helping you when you need it, or when you are scared. But I cannot be your only support system, the only person you go to. We aren't together. You need to expand your support system and maybe consider going to therapy again to help you deal with the past few weeks, okay? I'm your colleague, your daughter's other mother… y-your friend. But I can't be your only friend and your only support. It isn't healthy."

"Yeah. Okay, Callie. Good Night." Arizona sounded even more distant than before.

"Night Arizona, sleep well."

Callie hoped she made the right choice. She didn't want Arizona to be in pain or to make things worse. But the back and forth, blurred lines would kill her. She needed a clean break.


	6. Chapter 6

**Trigger Warning: This story initially focuses on an assault. The actual assault isn't described, but the after effects (injuries, etc.) are discussed. If this will bother you, this may not the be the best fic for you to read. Be safe. Be healthy. Be kind to yourself.**

**AN: **Thank you to everyone who has commented, followed, etc. the story. I love knowing that people are reading it and enjoying it. Thank you for taking this journey with me. If you want to chat about the story, directions, Grey's or life in general feel free to send me a message. I don't bite often and am more than willing to chat. Many thanks to INeedYourGrace for the beta help – she is terrific.  
>Anyway, Enjoy!<p>

* * *

><p>Chapter Six<p>

"Arizona," Callie called after seeing Arizona walk down the hall. "Hey Arizona!"

"What Callie?" Arizona snipped. They hadn't talked in over a week – not since Arizona called Callie mid-breakdown. Truthfully, Arizona had been avoiding Callie. She wasn't sure where they stood and she wasn't sure she was ready find out or figure it out. Arizona never would have guessed that Callie's words to her all those years ago before they even dated would still be relevant so frequently between them – "it's a big hospital, lots of places to hide."

"Are you okay?" Callie asked softly once she had caught up with Arizona.

"I'm fine, Callie, not that it matters to you. What do you need? I'm busy."

"Umm. Okay. Can we talk sometime, please? We need to talk about Sofia…" Callie had really hoped that they wouldn't return to this standoffish adversarial-type of relationship. Her hopes had been naïve apparently.

"Yeah. Sure. Fine. Are we done?"

"So lunch today? Noon in the cafeteria?"

"Sure Callie." Arizona said while she was already walking away. Arizona had hoped to get out of the situation and conversation by vagueness. It had become her go to with Callie. Somewhere along the line it seemed that Callie had stopped pushing her for real answers, not that she was any better with Callie. Arizona wasn't even sure if the vagueness as avoidance had started before or after their separation. In any case, Callie was especially insistent today and Arizona knew there was no getting out it anymore.

* * *

><p>Callie got to the cafeteria early and brought her laptop with lots of charts to update. She wasn't even sure if Arizona would remember and show up; Arizona had blown her off before. Callie was willing to sit in the cafeteria and work until supper hoping to catch Arizona, though.<p>

"I have a surgery in 30 minutes. What's up with Sofia?" Arizona asked as she sat down obviously uncomfortable.

"Here. I got this for you." Callie said and handed over a sprinkled donut. Arizona eyed the gift suspiciously. There talks were often brisk and Arizona wasn't looking to make friends with her ex again – it hadn't work out well the first time. "It isn't a trick, just a peace offering."

"Thank you." Arizona said as she lifted the treat to her mouth. She wasn't willing to tell Callie, or even admit to herself, how many donuts she had had over the past week.

"I got this email from your parents last night. I thought you said you had talked to them. This cannot continue, Arizona." Callie handed her phone to Arizona for her to read the email.

_Callie,  
>Thank you for the pictures of Sofia. It was very nice to see Arizona in a few of them. Does Arizona get to see her daughter more often? You have no right to keep them apart…. <em>

Arizona stopped reading. She didn't want to know what her mom had written to Callie. She knew what it would say. "Callie…" Arizona looked up at her as she handed the phone back as she tried to figure out what to say. Arizona saw pain and fear in Callie's eyes, not the anger and distance she had expected. Arizona knew that Callie tried so hard to be a good mom and to be criticized about her parenting skills by Arizona's mother – Sofia's only real grandmother – must hurt.

"I'm sorry Callie. I'll talk to them again. I haven't said those things about you. I pr-" Arizona caught herself, what would a promise mean to her ex-wife. Arizona knew they had both said hurtful things about each other, not saying anything about Callie's parenting skills to her parents didn't fix that. Arizona had cheated on Callie – what good was a promise about what Arizona did or didn't say.

"She's right." Arizona's head snapped up to meet Callie's eyes again. It was short. It wasn't mad or rambling Callie. Callie had resigned herself to this failure. Arizona hadn't been expecting this.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't see Sofia enough, Arizona. She misses you. I'm tired of covering for you. There has got to be a better way."

"What do you want from me Callie? I love her. I do. She is my daughter."

"Then act like her mother Arizona. Let's split custody like we had planned."

"Callie…"

"Oh that's right you are choosing to live in a drunken frat house without space for your daughter, in an environment that you told me you didn't want to raise her in."

"Callie…"

"I just want you to make her a priority Arizona. I mean, when was the last time you spent any time with her? When you were staying at the house?"

Arizona looked down. She couldn't even argue with Callie. Her schedule had been busy – she was a fellow and she was still trying to ensure Alex didn't destroy her department. But, she had also been avoiding Callie, which inadvertently caused her to skip out on Sofia as well.

"Are you done Arizona? I mean you have nothing tying you to Sofia anymore. I know you'll always love her…or whatever. But if you don't want to be in anymore, I won't make you. I can't make you. Could you tell me though? I need to know what to tell her to protect her. Sofia is growing up and she is catching on that her Mama isn't around. She asked me if her Mama was with Daddy a few days ago Arizona. She's so little and she's already lost so much. I'm so scared that you are going to walk away from her and not look back."

"God. Callie. What the hell? Sofia is my daughter. I love her." Arizona yelled and got up. "I've got surgery." Arizona stormed off.

"But that isn't an answer…" Callie said to herself. She knew Arizona ran when she didn't see another option. Callie had the short-sighted idea of freeing Arizona so they wouldn't be stuck. She didn't want to be with someone out of obligation and she didn't want Arizona to feel like she needed to stay with Sofia out of obligation. But what was she supposed to tell Sofia – Mama will see her soon, Mama will be gone for awhile. Mama still loves her?

* * *

><p>"Where does Callie get off asking if I don't want Sofia anymore? She is my daughter. Of course, I want her. Of course, I love her. Callie kicked me out. SHE removed me from SOFIA's life. It wasn't me. How can she think that? She was the one that needed to be free. She didn't want to be stuck. And now she just assumes that I think I'm 'stuck' with Sofia. I'd never give that little girl up. Everything is always Callie's choice and now she is blaming me for those choices."<p>

Arizona's livid rant had carried on for near half an hour. April wasn't even sure that Arizona even remembered they were in her house baking cookies. Arizona seemed to be raging herself out moving from straight out anger to contemplative regret.

"I liked the direction we were going 3 weeks ago. I loved living in the same house as Sofia. I loved getting to see her every single day and feel like I was an important part of her life. I liked being with Callie. I wasn't stuck. I had an escape option; I could have left at any time. But I chose to stay. I chose to be with them. But according to Callie we can't be together because it started because of a tragedy."

Arizona faltered at the mention of _that_ night. She still had trouble consciously, though her subconscious was a different inconvenient story, recalling that it even happened to herself let alone mentioning it out loud.

"Sure, I only came home with her initially because I had been at-attacked. But I stayed for her. I stayed for Sofia. I _stayed_. I would have loved to come home earlier, but she was the one who didn't miss me. She was the one who didn't want me. How is this my fault?"

April looked up from the batter she was preparing, "Do you want Callie back?"

Arizona hesitated – that was the question wasn't it? Could they start over?

"I-I. Yes." Arizona decided. She always wanted Callie. She needed Callie. Lately they had been like fire and ice, but when their spark caught nothing could stop them.

"I don't think you are really mad at Callie. I know you are, but I think you're really mad that you lost another opportunity to be a family with Callie – she pointed out your collective weaknesses and won't let either of you fall into the easy and painful traps you've been circling for years."

April thought a minute. The great part of her relationship with Arizona was that they could say anything to each other without judgment or offense. April knew what she wanted to say next could push the boundaries of their relationship, but she also knew that Arizona wasn't talking to anyone else about her problems with Callie. If April didn't say anything to Arizona, no one would.

"Maybe you should try proving to Callie that your desire to be together has nothing to do with trauma or tragedy. I see trauma every day – people say and do things that they never would have otherwise, but it doesn't mean those things are true or lasting. Callie wants her space, instead of pursuing her, you could work on yourself. Be more involved with Sofia. Improve your own life so that you are a person that Callie would want to date."

"How am I supposed to be more involved with Sofia when I live with Alex? There are too many people and it isn't my home. I don't like having Sofia there, especially not overnight."

"It isn't your home, Arizona. Callie's house isn't your home. I love you, but you can't live here. You should get your own place and make a room for Sofia. Split custody like Callie wants. Be the mother you want to be and that Sofia deserves. Improve your relationship with Sofia, not to impress Callie but because you love her. Make Sofia your priority, not Callie. You never know you might end up with both."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Arizona was painting the top edge of the wall bright purple like the rest of this bedroom in her new apartment. Edging the walls before rolling on the purple paint was difficult for Arizona, but she was going to do it all herself. She and Tim spent a summer cutting lawns, painting and doing random chores for other people living on the military base. Arizona usually did the majority of painting for the jobs – her attention to detail had been better than Tim's. Arizona needed to paint this room for Sofia herself. It had to be perfect and she wanted the time to think.

Arizona had eaten lunch with Sofia yesterday while she was at daycare. They had spent the time eating sandwiches and coloring. Arizona still loved the girl with the sandwiches, even if the girl was now her daughter instead of Callie. Arizona missed her time with Sofia. She hadn't seen Sofia since she stayed with Callie. Even though, Arizona missed Sofia, this lunch date had ulterior motives – Arizona wanted to make sure she still knew her own daughter's favorite color. Sofia changed her favorite color on a daily basis, but she usually ended up back at purple within a few days. If Sofia was given a princess coloring page the princess' dress was nearly always purple. Arizona had long despised all of the Disney movies. She could quote every single one from her years as a peds surgeon – and her enjoyment of them prior to residency, but she still avoided them. Sofia loved them though, and Sofia's happiness always outweighed her own distaste. Callie could really sing something she didn't let on to very often. But since Sofia was born Callie sang more and Arizona loved that. She loved hearing Callie and Sofia giggle, sing and dance to Disney movies. Those moments alone nearly made Arizona love Disney movies. Her first instinct on hearing the torturous music was no longer to cringe, but if the music wasn't shortly followed by Sofia's giggles or Callie's singing her favor for the movies quickly disappeared.

Sofia still loved purple and princesses. Arizona was relieved – she hadn't missed out on too many major developments for her daughter. Sofia said she preferred pink, but the princess' dress was still purple. Sofia hadn't asked Arizona where she had been, when she would see her Mama next or any of the multitudes of questions over her absence that Arizona had expected. It was nice to not need to answer the questions, but she was worried about what Sofia actually thought. She made sure Sofia knew she loved her, but Arizona also knew she needed to prove it. Arizona had realized she had spent almost as much time out of Sofia's life than in it. She practically disappeared after her leg did – from both Callie and Sofia. When Callie left when she cheated the custody slowly moved from equal to Sofia spending most of the time with Callie. Arizona had never meant for that to happen, but some nights it was hard to look at a mini-Callie. Sofia looked so much like Callie. Arizona always loved Sofia, but often when she couldn't bear to face Callie, and own up to her mistakes, looking Sofia in the eyes was often equally difficult. Then, when they split the last time Arizona hadn't even asked for a custody agreement. Arizona knew she needed to make it up to Sofia, to be there for her.

With the paint finished and drying, Arizona began to construct the princess bed she bought for Sofia. Arizona had been living essentially rent-free for the past six months. Alex had never asked her to pay – it was supposed to be temporary so an agreement was never set up. Arizona had ended up saving a lot of money. She wanted to use it to make Sofia's life better. She knew that between Callie, Mark and Carlos Sofia was set for the future. Sofia may never need to work a day in her life between the different trusts set up for her. So Arizona poured some of her recent savings into making a home for Sofia. She needed Sofia to like it here. It needed to be a home for Sofia. Arizona had never spent so much at a children's store – and she had bought toys, etc. for the peds wing before. Arizona knew that if she asked Callie would likely split much of Sofia's stuff with her, but Arizona wanted to do this for her daughter. There was so much she had missed and so little she could do to make it up to Sofia.

Callie and April had both told her that she needed to step up to the plate with Sofia. Arizona had decided to prove to them, and her parents, that she could be the mom she wanted to be, but had never thought she would be. Arizona could be a great mom; she tried to convince herself, even if she was doing it without a partner. Arizona needed to prove her skill as a mother to herself as well – this was just step one in getting her life back. But it was the biggest step – Sofia needed to be her priority. Arizona knew she needed to prove that she could be the mama that Sofia needed and deserved to Sofia most of all. Sofia was the only innocent one in all the tragedy and drama, yet she kept suffering.

Arizona's apartment wasn't much – a two bedroom garden, ground floor, apartment. It was in the same part of the city as Callie's house, but not the same neighborhood. Arizona was hoping that the proximity might increase her Sofia time.

Princess bed finished and made up, Arizona started to put together the craft corner she wanted for Sofia. The room had to be perfect by tomorrow. Arizona had asked Callie if she would bring Sofia by tomorrow afternoon. Arizona hadn't told Callie she got her own apartment; though Callie probably figured something was up – Arizona had been to the house to get some of her clothes and other things she had never bothered to move out previously. Arizona told April she still wanted Callie, but she wasn't sure if it even mattered. Callie likely would never want her again. They were free – whatever that meant. Arizona's freedom just made her long for Callie. Sure she could pick up anyone she wanted at the bar, and not have to answer for her late nights at the hospital, but all she lost was not worth the gain for Arizona.

More than proving to everyone that she could be a good mom – Arizona wanted to prove to herself that she could be a person she was proud of. She wanted to build a life that she didn't want to tear down. She didn't want to have to shakily admit to her failures when others asked anymore. She wanted to be proud of her own accomplishments outside of the OR. Arizona knew that meant her life needed to focus on her greatest accomplishment and source of pride – Sofia.

* * *

><p>Callie double checked the address Arizona had texted her against the building she had just pulled up in front of. Callie had been expecting a park, or something, not a mid-level apartment building. Callie had been confused when Arizona had asked her if she could have Sofia for the night and if they could meet her at this address. Callie wasn't about to begrudge Arizona wanting to see Sofia for the first time in months, though. A few days ago Sofia had excitedly told her many, many times that she and Mama had lunch. Callie was glad, but hesitant to hope that Arizona would make any real commitment to their daughter.<p>

"It looks like we're here, Sof. Let's get you out of your seat and find Mama, huh?" Callie said after she had sent a quick text to Arizona letting them know they had arrived.

"Hey girls!" Arizona called excitedly.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!" Sofia took off at a run toward Arizona. Arizona quickly scooped Sofia up giving her a hug and kisses all over her face.

"Uh. What are we doing here, Arizona?" Callie asked once she had caught up to them.

"I got a new apartment and I wanted you both to see it. I want you to be comfortable with where I live Callie. I want you to be comfortable with where I hope Sofia will start spending some time. I need us to work together on this parenting thing, and part of that is having you see where I live and what I've set up for our daughter."

"What?! You've got an apartment and a room for Sofia and you want this?"

"Yes Callie. Let's go in."

"I packed Sofia an overnight bag, since you said you would take her tonight. It's in the car. I'll go get it."

"Don't worry about it. I've got it all taken care of."

"But she'll need pajamas, and clothes for tomorrow, and an extra pair of socks, and her favorite stuffed animal, and"

"Callie, I've got it covered. Let me show you. If I'm missing something we can grab the bag later. Okay?" Arizona began to walk toward the building while carrying Sofia once again. Callie had no choice but to follow.

The living room the apartment opened into looked like an Easter basket – typical Arizona. Though, Callie noticed that the apartment had been child proofed – there weren't any breakables on low ledges or anything moderately dangerous looking.

"Sofia this is where I live and when you stay with me this is your bedroom." Callie heard Arizona explaining as she opened a door down the hallway on the right. Arizona set Sofia down to let her explore her new room. Sofia made sounds of glee and excitement as she took in her purple princess bedroom and all of the toys.

Callie followed them standing in the doorway as Arizona explored the room with Sofia. Arizona hadn't forgotten anything. There were clothes and shoes for all seasons and types of weather in the closet. There were probably more toys in this room than Sofia had at Callie's house. Arizona hadn't neglected educational games or an extensive craft corner either. Everything one could ever want to make a 4 year old paradise Arizona had put in this room. Callie was impressed. She hadn't expected this to be the reaction from her conversation with Arizona. She had expected anger and Arizona to eventually un-commit to Sofia.

"I live with you Mama?"

Arizona looked to Callie who slowly nodded before Arizona answered. "Yes big girl. You live with me sometimes and Mommy sometimes. Is that okay with you?"

"YES!" Sofia squealed.

"What do you say to your Mama for putting this room together for you, Sof?" Callie asked her daughter.

"Thank you Mama," Sofia threw her arms around Arizona. Huge smiles filled both Arizona and Sofia's faces.

After a bit Callie interjected "Hey Sofia, you want to play in here for a little bit while Mama and I talk?"

"Uh huh," Sofia answered barely looking up from coloring at her craft corner.

Arizona followed Callie into her own kitchen.

"Arizona, you thought of everything."

"I know. I love our daughter. I know we aren't together. But I want to be her Mama in more than title. I want this and I want to prove it. I know you probably don't believe me, but I want to be involved in Sofia's life, Callie. I know this is probably a lot. But I'd like to set up a custody schedule soon. I know Sofia needs stability, but I want that stability to include both of us." Arizona began speaking more and more quickly trying to answer Callie's concerns before they were voiced. Arizona wanted this to work, she didn't want to have to fight Callie for Sofia – and she didn't really expect she'd have to.

"Yeah, Arizona. This is good. How about you plan to have her tonight and tomorrow night and we can talk at lunch tomorrow? Work out a plan?"

"Yes. Thank you, Callie."

Callie walked back to Sofia's room, Arizona hung back to let Callie say goodbye to Sofia.

"Sofia, are you okay here?"

"Yeah Mommy. Look at my picture."

"Oh wow, what a pretty butterfly. I'm going to go and you can stay here with Mama. Is that okay?"

"Uh huh." Sofia was engrossed in her coloring once again.

Callie dug around in her purse to find a card.

"Hey Sofia, here this is a card. Okay?" Callie placed the card on the top of the filled bookshelf. "If you need me you can call the number on the top, okay?"

"Yes Mommy."

Callie knew if something really went wrong Arizona would call her. But Callie always left a card with her cell phone and pager number with Sofia. Sofia was used to this routine by now. She wanted Sofia to feel like she could always call her. She may have to work long hours and be gone frequently, but Sofia was her priority. The card was usually in a small zipper pocket in Sofia's backpack, but with the bag in the car Callie wanted to make sure that Sofia had access. Callie wasn't sure if Sofia even really cared at this point about always being able to contact her, it was more of a security blanket for Callie than Sofia. Ensuring Sofia always had the ability to reach her was a way of absolving her guilt of needing to leave so often. Her father had always ensured that she and Aria always had one of his business cards when he left with his personal number on the back. Callie had often forgotten about it as a child, but liked the ability to contact her Daddy if she needed, even if the adult she saw the most often was a nanny for much of her childhood. Her dad had absolved his guilt over leaving her so often as a child in the same way – being physically gone, but always leaving a way to be there for her.

"I love you Sofia." Callie said taking Sofia into a hug. "Be good for Mama. She'll take you to daycare tomorrow and I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay Mommy. I love you."


End file.
